The Cycle of Abuse in a Narcissistic Relationship

Continued from the special report I wrote in 2006 when I divorced the first NPD in my life.

Narcissistic men use the women in their lives to stay alive and feel good. In exchange for getting to be with them, you become a servant to His needs. He will want your complete submission to him, but you will hold back because you feel something is not quite right, and can’t seem to really trust him. You are right about these feelings, but are too far in the dark to see the truth. The cycle of abuse starts right you meet him and continues until you finally see the light.

The Seduction Stage
When you first meet him, the narcissistic man is quite mysterious. He has well- developed seduction techniques that can literally charm the pants right off you! The air of mystery adds to the excitement, as most women do desire to be taken and claimed by a real man. You blindly believe he is such a man, only to find out later and after much confusion, that he was only an actor playing a part.

Realize that you never really know a narcissist because he will only tell you what he wants you to know and reveals what is useful in winning you over. In the beginning, he will over-value you. He will make you feel like you are the most amazing woman. He will seduce you with dinner, massage, flowers, whatever it takes to get you under his spell. He will look right into your eyes and hypnotize you with sweet talk. Narcissists are masters at emotional manipulation, so it is easy to fall for it. Once you open and trust, you are in the lair.

The Abuse Stage
After awhile you will find that you are no longer seen as the chosen one, rather, you now receive the brunt of his constant frustration and anger about how life is not working out how he thinks it should be. You are the reason for everything that goes wrong. You are judged, blamed, criticized, made to feel inadequate, etc. Verbal attacks can lead to physical attacks.

A Narcissist man (and woman for that matter) is a master of manipulation and not capable of real human feelings. He studies human behavior and mimics emotions to get the desired reaction from other people. You will begin to think you are crazy or emotionally unstable because: 1). He tells you that 2). He can twist conversations around until you forget your initial concern.

You will be in shock and disbelief and wonder what you did to cause such mistreatment.

It is not your fault. He is an abuser. He has a disorder (Narcissistic Personality Disorder.)

The Sustenance Stage

At this point, you are trapped in the lair trying to get your bearings. The abuse continues but now you are de-valued. He feels justified for abusing you. When he sees you, he sees what is on his inner screen (and it is not pretty!). No matter what you do, you will never be the equal and radiant co-star at the beginning of the movie. In fact, in his mind you have been demoted to personal assistant. You exist to do his bidding. What you do as a human being is not important or valued.

For instance, you are in business for yourself and you share that you got a new client. Instead of a normal response of “hey that’s great, tell me more.” You will hear something like how much are they going to pay? Why can’t you get more clients? To get any kind of respect at all, you have to produce---more money, more attention, more admiration. By now his addiction to you has grown and he requires more from his supplier. You are his drug. He needs more of you and yet does not value what he takes from you.

The sad thing is you were never valued in the first place.

If you suspect, you are involved in an NPD I implore you to do more research on it and emotional abuse. The best thing you can ever do for your soul is to LEAVE and run to the light of a New Day.

The Dark Side of Romantic Love: NPD

I am ending the second of a long-term relationship with someone that may have Narcisstic Personality Disorder. It's interesting, as they both were very similar...dark hair, Aquarians from the northeast. They also knew exactly what to say and do to get me to fall for them. The first lasted 8 years, the second, just 2, so I am definitely learning to see the signs ahead of time, and yet, feel disappointed to have re-created this pattern again.

I know that I am not alone, though, there may be many of you reading this right now who are feeling the drain of your positive and light filled-energy with someone who cannot access the center of their heart.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but this Valentine's day you be involved in a battle of the wills instead of blessing of the souls and you may actually be sleeping with a modern-day vampire---otherwise known as a Narcissist. Because Narcissists are such great actors, they will convince you how much they care for you, leaving you lifeless before you see the light of day.

Sam Vaknin, a Narcissist who wrote the book, Malignant Self-Love has called narcissism the mental epidemic of the 21^st century and has said it insidiously infects people who have daily contact with a narcissist. The psychological definition of narcissism is an all-pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy and behavior), with a strong need for admiration or adulation, a lack of empathy, usually beginning early in adulthood. Narcissists are overly obsessed with their image and are driven by their insatiable ego towards a ruthless and never-ending pursuit of gratification, dominance, and ambition. It comes with no surprise that 50-75% are male.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder that may be a result of childhood abuse from family, authority figures, or peers. There are two kinds of narcissists: cerebral (intelligence and academic achievements) and somatic (physical or sexual prowess of conquests). When you have NPD, there is no pill you can take to fix it. It is a condition you have to learn to live with and manage. Contrary to popular myth, a narcissist does not love himself, in fact, he often loathes himself and is thus driven to self-denial and bizarre coping mechanisms. A romantic relationship to someone with NDP is a source of life-giving energy that often leads to verbal and emotional abuse.

One tell-tale sign is not being able to get some of your important needs met....they will only give you what they want to give you and nothing more. You can ask until you are blue in the face and they just are unable to comprehend and respond in a kind-hearted manner.

***This is an excerpt of a special report, and you can email me if you would to receive the full report.

Next time I will reveal the stages of seduction that you will probably be drawn into.

It is Time to Shift From Spiritual Warrior to Spiritual Lover

Have you been following what is happening with the James Ray, a fellow spiritual teacher and author?

Just in case you have not heard, you can do a google search and find out more. Basically, a so-called spiritual rockstar is being scrutinized for his responsibility in the deaths of 2 and hospitalizations of many who signed up to attend his spiritual warrior workshop in Sedona Arizona.

In the name of empowerment, these folks willingly went without food and water and entered into a sweatlodge and many suffered the ultimate cost.

To me, this is a clear indication of where we need to shift our consciousness in our relationship with the Divine--that of graduating from warrior/fighter to peace/love activist.

Is not ego/fighting/struggle the same kind of nonsense that got us into the reality we currently are trying to get out of it?

It is my point of view that the Shift is bringing up some darker stuff we would rather not see, however, know the light will dissolve any and all that is not of LOVE

The Ray event could be one of those things....it certainly brings to light many different and important considerations...that of guru/student, power/empowerment, the idea of paying for enlightenment, those who are not of American Indian descent leading this kind of work, who is responsible. etc.

For me, this also brings up the issue of divine feminine/nurturance in the healing/empowerment arts. I do have to wonder if a woman leader would have been more in tune with her flock and might have noticed when people were feeling unwell, etc.

Not to mention that the divine feminine has been left out of religion and spirituality for long enough. My God is comforting, kind, and loving, and does not ask me to suffer on his/her behalf.

What are your thoughts? What good can come from this unfortunate incident?

ps a few posts ago I talk about the Shadow Effect movie......be prepared for more "darkness" to be brought to the light to be healed as we move through this SHIFT.

The Shadow Effect Movie Review by Bright Michelle

It has been a long time coming, and goodness, I am glad it is here. The time for integrating the polarities that have kept us from being whole and holy. With The Shadow Effect movie, created by Debbie Ford and various gifted collegues like Deepak Chopra and Marianne Williamson, the light is being shed on this part of humanity, which will empower us all to move to greater heights and deeper depths.

One of the greatest aspects of our SOUL is that of the dark side, the shadow, the part that tries to remain unseen because we are afraid of the consequences from others if we are “not perfect”.

The field of psychology has long known about the power of what lies in the subconscious and how most of what we do---90% or more---lives in this domain.

I was moved by the way the movie portrayed real-life stories, and to see the transformation that and the freedom that is available once they faced their dark side.

I have always believed that with love and acceptance, we can heal anything, and this movie shows that it is time for us all to move through our shadows in order to reclaim our lights.

What spoke to me was the idea that everyone has a divine formula for becoming who they are, and I believe this is very true. When we embrace all the good, not-so-good, light, dark, masculine, and feminine that is within us, we find out TRUTH, Love is what matters.

This movie brings to light the shift of consciousness that is occurring, and gave me a ray of hope in my heart that was palpable. There is nothing that Love cannot heal.

My highest accolades go out to Debbie Ford’s team for creating his very important and spiritually uplifting movie.

I highly recommend that you go right now and purchase this dvd and watch it several times to let the insights sink in to your SOUL.

To purchase the DVD

http://store.debbieford.com/product_info.php?ref=59&products_id=16

To buy the online version:
http://store.debbieford.com/product_info.php?ref=59&products_id=18

See the YouTube (Movie trailer): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8599zQU0Mg

---Michelle Casto

The Soul Alignment Coach

YouTube (Movie trailer): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8599zQU0Mg